My New Life

Ok, that title was a little bit misleading. Actually, it was completely misleading, bordering on the outright deceptive.

I don’t have a new life.


It is, however, in the planning stages. And, that, is a big step in the right direction. A very big step.

Because, you see, I realised, about half an hour ago, that all my earlier attempts to start a new, improved, life had failed not because I couldn’t do it, or shouldn’t do it, but because I wasn’t prepared to do it. Yes, my modus vivendi is to leap first, think later. That might work out well in fiction, except for both Romeo and Juliet of course, but it doesn’t in real life. At least, not in my real life.

Let me give you an example:

I have a few pounds to lose. The same few pounds I have had to lose for a few years now, plus a few of their friends. It hasn’t quite reached the stage where the only thing that fits is my bathrobe, but that day can’t be too far off. And, nice as my bathrobe is, there are just times in life when you shouldn’t be seen wearing it in public.

Two days ago I met a very nice woman, who was not wearing her bathrobe. In fact, she was wearing a very colourful dress. I told her how much I liked it, she told me she had recently lost enough weight to feel great in it.

That got my attention. And so, 10 minutes later, I knew everything I needed to know about the 5:2 diet. Basically, you eat 500 calories a day for two days a week and then eat whatever you like for the other five. The next thing you know, you are in a colourful dress receiving compliments from total strangers.

It sounded perfect. There might be a lot of parties coming up in the near future, but they aren’t happening seven days a week. Or even six.

I could do this.

So, yesterday, with absolutely no advanced planning, I started.

By 9:30, I realised that I probably should have gone shopping first. The only things in the house were the leftovers from the low carb diet, ie. full fat cheeses, double cream and most of a cow. And mince pies, of course. It is, after all, almost Christmas.

Since there was nothing suitable to eat, I ate nothing. Until about 2pm, by which time my eyesight was failing. Well, failing enough for me to not read the calorie count on the mince pies.

I ate two. With a bit of cream. And a large glass of milk. Full fat milk.

And then I totted up the calories. Apparently, I had already gone over my daily 500 calorie limit, by a few. Well, by more than a few. The only solution was to stay out of the kitchen for the rest of the day. And to go to bed early. Both of which I did.

It was a long night. Who knew a rumbling stomach could literally wake you up, right in the middle of a lovely dream about pizza? Not me, that’s for sure.

This morning, it being a non-fasting day and me being hungry beyond belief, I had two (2) bagels for breakfast, with butter, three sausages and some scrambled eggs. And orange juice. And tea, with milk but no sugar. Just because I can eat what I want today, I don’t, after all, want to get too carried away.

And so, with one entire day of this diet behind me, I have realised two things, other than the fact that this diet is not for me:

1. Be prepared – it’s not just for Boy Scouts.

2. Be thankful – I chose to not have enough to eat yesterday. Millions of people aren’t so lucky.

I will work on these two things for a while. And then, when I have them conquered, I will add in all the other things that I want in my new life: eating properly, drinking less, exercising regularly, being organised, keeping in better touch with people, opening the post when it comes in…

…and finding out where she bought that dress.

New life, here I come. Eventually.

Not Leo Tolstoy (aka Eileen Riley)

This entry was posted in About Me, Humour, Lifestyle, Thoughts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to My New Life

  1. I just know that dress is going to look terrific! P.S. I’m using a nifty app on my phone to list the habits I want to change and check them off each day. Silly, but it seems to work. Mine’s called Habitflow but there are others. Must get up now. (Changing habit called: no lying in bed while answering emails on phone…)

  2. Please don’t try fad diets! You cannot starve a fat cell, for when you do you’ll lose muscles which burns fat. You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak later on. Perhaps I’ll re-post my blog about starvation diets. (by the way, the heart is a muscle) Blessings,

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