I have just returned from a talk, on the state of the economy. At 8 o’clock. In the morning. I know, who thought that was a good way to start the day?

Since I don’t actually do mornings, I passed on the croissants, and the fruit, and the juice and headed straight for the caffeine…I mean, the coffee.

It’s a good thing I did, because I really needed my wits about me for what was to come.

Apparently, and I don’t want to upset you but there’s no other way to say this, we are doomed. The economy is tanking. Greece is a total basket case which will drag the entire continent of Europe down. Europe, in turn, will take the US with it. And after that, life as we know it will be over.

The man actually used the word ‘terrifying’ 12 times. In a one hour talk. I was counting.

Now, I’m sure you will agree, this isn’t good. But, it doesn’t have to happen. We have choices. We can cut Greece adrift. They won’t mind because we will pay them to leave. I know, it’s not nice but it turns out that they just can’t be saved. So, off they go.

Then, we can concentrate on Spain. Which has promise. If only they hadn’t made such a complete mess of their banks, and their borrowings, and their big, empty houses.

And after that, we will sort out Italy. Perhaps. It all depends on whether or not China’s economy holds up. The economy that is totally dependent on export. Not the “Made in China” cheap trinkets of our youth, but something else. I have no idea what. I was beginning to regret my attitude towards those croissants by this point.

Japan came into it too, but I’m not sure if it was in a good way or not.

And so did the US. Which was definitely not good. Apparently jobs in the ‘non-farming sector’ were not materialising, which was having a very unpleasant knock-on effect on the entire rest of the universe. Except Brazil. I have no idea why not. I was seriously hungry by this point. And wondering what to do with my empty coffee cup.

But then, just when I was beginning to question why I had gotten up in the middle of the night and braved London transport – in the rain – only to hear that all was lost, this man whose name I never quite got, told me that it was all about ‘the power of the weak’.

Greece, despite it’s appalling situation, is very powerful because it can bring down Europe. Europe, for all it’s fragility, has the ability to take out the US, and the fall of the US, as we all know, will spell the end of the world.

What an amazing thought – the weaker you are, the more powerful.

I have to say, this idea appeals to me.

So, my inability to lose weight may be a sign of weakness but it also means that I, and all my fellow large people, can bend the fashion world to our will. Someday.

And, my total failure so far to become rich, just means that the capitalist world had better quake in fear about what to do with me when I retire.

And, the fact that I have yet to publish my long-awaited novel is an indication that the publishing world is in turmoil. Self-publishing or traditional? Kindle or paper? Royalties or advances? Hmmm….they really need to sort themselves out before I hand over my manuscript.

Yes, we weaklings really will inherit the Earth. Just as soon as we have breakfast.

Not Leo Tolstoy (aka Eileen Riley)

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